Meet Me In Our Delusion o TYL Gokudera Hayato o
by azuredreamers
Summary: He lit another cigarette, taking a long drag before getting into the car. She was already seated, waiting patiently for him. Their eyes met and for a second there, he saw gratitude in her glassy orbs. She was happy for a moment and it was enough for him.
1. Chapter 1

**~ o1 ~**

_**"If you believed in love…"**_

It hurt.

_It really hurt._

Was it possible to hurt even more by that point?

Was it possible to hurt so much that you would wish every time you took a breath to just disappear into the night one day, no one noticing you were gone?

…Still, for some strange but unknown reason, she wanted to continue living. Something deep inside her urged her to endure and keep on living.

Some people preferred to call it 'hope'; she did not have a word for it.

Being the accountant manager of an average company was not a hard mission for her. Graduating from T University with a satisfactory master degree on top proved her quality well enough. She could have found a better job with a wondrous salary; in fact, she had gotten numerous job offers right after she graduated. She even worked for an international corporation for 6 years.

Six long years of her life was spent on something unnecessary.

Her husband was also working for that corporation. He claimed he fell in love with her at first sight, though she found it hard to believe. Eventually he persuaded her and they got married.

However, the company prohibited office love; one had to resign eventually.

Of course, it had to be her.

She decided to relax for some time and chose a job, which did not want so much from her. She felt comfortable with the way she were, but something was missing in her life.

Her job did not even reach the point of pleasing her.

They had no children, so she had nothing to hold onto.

Love of her husband did not satisfy her anymore.

She was so sick of pretending to enjoy their private time, most of the time faking her emotions in front of him.

After some time, she started to search for that thing missing in her life in the arms of someone other that her _beloved_one.

Not that he had ever become her precious one. Thinking back, marrying someone who loved you seemed like the most logical thing to do.

They couldn't betray you as she did every night if they were the one to promise eternal love, could they?

Thus, her morals crumbled into little pieces and she simply did not care anymore. She did not even care if her husband were to find out her true self.

A low life that did not even deserve to be saved.

She was, _deeply_, ashamed by what she had become. She just could not gather the will to do the right thing anymore. 

"…_**would you still forgive the unfaithful?"**_


	2. Chapter 2

**~ o2 ~**

_**"Believe in me…"**_

Detesting the people around her was never surprising to her.

Detesting her own being had become a part of her daily life. She still had some pride left, though. Thus, that pride allowed her to do the right thing for once in her pathetic life:

Let go of your 'beloved' person whom you had betrayed more than once.

He actually took it quite well, smiling all the way through their conversation while she explained _everything_in tears. He was a real man, a miracle found once in a million years. She was rather stupid to miss her chance to reach eternal happiness with that man.

_"I'm sorry," she had started, "I really am a worthless—"_

"Sshh." He had silenced her. "It's fine. I was the love-struck little puppy, forcing you to be with me. I kind of deserved it."

"You are the gentlest man I've ever met! How can you say bad things about yourself when you are too good? How can you not feel angry, frustrated although I said I've cheated on you numerous times?" She was beyond tears now.

Tears for both the man standing across her with a small luggage in his hand and for herself.

He just smiled, before she heard the front door being closed.

She cried nonstop after that, taking sometime off from her work, since she had already finished two weeks' work the previous day.

What hurt the most was his attitude. How he took the whole thing, not even sharing his pain, his frustration. She would have been happier if he beat her, rather than simply leaving her to drown in her own misery, her own guilt.

Which was far worse than physical pain.

After a week, while she had a friend visiting, papers were delivered to her door. The change in her expression was fast and the friend did not fail to notice it.

"Divorce papers?" He asked. She could only nod, before throwing them onto the coffee table and slumping down on the sofa.

The husband sure was quick, it seemed. Was it because he wanted her to be free as soon as possible? To find happiness again? As if she would be stupid enough to believe another man, or to try to fall in love.

"Then, I'll take my leave." The man put out his cigarette and stood up. He was about to take a step before she half-screamed, her head between her pale hands.

"Don't leave, Gokudera! I… don't want to be alone right now…" He sighed tiredly, eyeing the woman sitting across him. She was a huge mess now, her once bright [e/c] orbs clouded with something unknown to him. Her skin had lost its shine, turning her into a sickly pale woman. He could never understand this woman no matter how much he tried. Maybe understanding the other did not have to be necessary, he once thought.

He was about to sit down onto the armchair he was seated seconds ago, but then an idea struck him suddenly.

"Get up."

She raised her head, almost questioning his sanity. His eyes were fixed on hers so intensely that she had to turn her head away.

"Get up," he repeated, "we are going out."

She sighed. "I'm not in the mood, as you can see."

"I'll put you into the mood. Now get up." He roughly grabbed the woman's arm, dragging her towards the front door. She did not protest again; she simply let the man lead the way, only grabbing her coat and purse on their way out.

He lit another cigarette, taking a long drag before getting into the car. She was already seated, waiting patiently for him. Their eyes met and for a second there, he saw gratitude in her glassy orbs.

She was happy for a moment and it was enough for him.

"…_**so I can save you from this misery."**_


	3. Chapter 3

**~ o3 ~**

_**"What should I do…**_

"Ahaha, isn't that [Name]? Hey, what's up?" The bright grin sent her way was too much for her to handle that she had to turn her gaze somewhere else.

"…Hello, Y-Yamamoto." She hesitantly waved to him, eyeing the fuming man beside her.

"Get lost, baseball freak," he snarled, obviously annoyed by his interference. They were talking about going to movies after the dinner seconds before the bright man showed up.

"Don't be like that, Gokudera. I haven't seen her in a while." He comfortably seated himself at their table, much to the silver head's discomfort. "So, how have you been, [Name]? I heard you got married, you sure were fast!"

She choked on her coffee, coughing a few times ever softly, before using a napkin to wipe her mouth. "Yes, I did," she answered shakily, "but I am—"

"What the hell are you doing here?" Gokudera swiftly changed the topic before Yamamoto could spit out more unnecessary things to sadden the woman even more.

"Me? I was just looking for a nice sports shop, but I somewhat ended up here in this café! Isn't that weird?"

"You moron! How could you just end up here if you were looking for a damn shop? Don't do unnecessary things!"

Had [Name] not been in an emotional hurricane currently, she could almost laugh at their comical fights. She could not stop the stray tears sliding down her face, making both men stop immediately and turn her way.

"S-sorry! If you'll excuse me…" She stuttered and quickly stood up, heading for the door; more tears were to come. Gokudera cursed his luck silently before he also stood up, leaving a dumbstruck Yamamoto behind.

He quickly rushed after the young woman, who was walking down the empty street with fast steps. Her silent sobs could only be heard by him.

When his hands were only a few inches away from catching her arm, her heel suddenly broke and she stumbled, closing her eyes and waiting to be hurt.

If his strong arms had not stopped her.

Her eyes never made contact with his; she only tried to get rid of his arms around her quivering frame. No matter how hard she tried, he was not going to release her anytime soon.

"What do you want, Gokudera? Let go of me already!" She struggled even more and eventually he had to release her. When she was free from his grip, she turned around, eyes fuming with rage.

"Look, that idiot was being an idiot back there; will you not let every little damn thing get to you?"

"Gokudera," she was so tired of trying to explain things, even though she had explained very little. She was at a loss of words for a moment; he waited patiently for her to continue. "Do you know why I am divorcing from my husband?" She asked calmly; it was a silent plead for him to stop pestering her mind.

His answer was what surprised her the most. "I know, woman."

With her widened eyes and half-open mouth, she looked just like a children who was about to cry. Her lips quivered and her legs could not carry her weight anymore.

He was there to catch her yet again.

Only a single sound came out of her mouth. "Why?"

He grunted in annoyance. "Do I have to explain every little thing?"

"…Aren't I a disgusting woman? How can you still touch me!" Her sobs got out of control and shook her body uncontrollably. He held her close, his true words stuck between his pride and his heart. Would she reject him? Would she not let him ease her pain?

Would she trust him completely, as she did when they were younger, before she got married?

Would she break his heart again?

"Let me comfort you, [Name]." He decided to try his luck; he got nothing to lose.

She understood; his simple yet sweet words and his warmth were all she needed. She looked up deep into his eyes and let him claim her lips and her whole being.

She could deal with the consequences the next day. All she ever cared about was being surrounded by him, touched by him with no one else to disturb.

_**"…to show you that this world is not all about disappointments?"**_


	4. Chapter 4

**~ o4 ~**

_**"Love is an illusion…"**_

It hasn't really changed that much

, [Name] mused, as she stared at the ceiling of the bedroom. She had not been to Gokudera's apartment for years; to be precise, after her marriage, she never visited him. Her soon-to-be-ex-husband had once told her that Gokudera made him uneasy; he claimed that the said man looked at him as if he wanted to kill him. [Name] had just laughed it off, but she now understood the real intention behind the hurt stares sent her way.

She hurt way too many people.

"Gokudera?" she called out to the man beside her. Her only response was a grunt. "I was thinking…"

She paused to stare at his back, waited for him to encourage her to continue. He said nothing.

"I was thinking that I treated you real bad when I got… married. For that, I'm really sorry." He almost choked on his saliva, turning abruptly to face her.

"What the hell are you talking about, idiot?"

"…"

"…"

"…Just when I am trying to apologise here, is that how you treat me?" She yelled suddenly, getting up from the bed. He swiftly caught her arm and pulled her back down beside him, staring down at her so intently that she had to look away, embarrassed. "Let go, Gokudera—"

"_Hayato._" She stared at him, dumbstruck. "You used to call me that, remember? You got all formal after the marri—whatever."

She released a long sigh and stopped struggling, letting him hover over her. "I was trying to please him."

"When you didn't even love him?" [Name] forgot that she used to tell Gokudera all her secrets.

"Look, _Hayato_, I was already being unfair to him. I thought I could live like that."

"Apparently, you couldn't."

She finally gave him what he wanted. "Yes, I couldn't. Happy now?"

"There is nothing to be happy about." He dropped onto his side of the bed again and lit a cigarette, turning his back to her.

Silence ensued after that. Neither had the will to speak further; neither had to will to hurt the other.

She remembered why her husband felt uneasy about the man lying beside her. He claimed that Gokudera was in love with her. She had just said he was funny and dropped the subject; there was no way Hayato could love her, since the very beginning.

Her husband always had brilliant instincts; [Name] just did not want to admit the truth.

"Do you… believe in love, Hayato?" She asked almost hesitantly. She was not sure what she was saying anymore.

He remained silent for a while. "I know you don't."

She slapped his back softly. "Answer my question, idiot!"

"Who are you calling idiot!"

"…Fine, fine. Will you please answer my question seriously?" She tried the nice way this time. And, Gokudera did something he never ever would have done, not in a million years.

He spoke his heart.

"I could make you believe, too, if you let me." His face was still not visible to her; but she did not have to see it. She knew all too well that there would be a gentle expression accompanied by a small blush.

Never once in her life had she believed in relationships. She always though they were all temporary, just a whim of our hearts, some physical instincts to fulfil our selfish desires. Humans needed someone by their side; it was the rule of the nature.

However, she had also never met someone like the man right by her side. If it were someone else, she would not even look behind as that person crumbled to little pieces.

But, it was _him_, someone who knew her like the back of his hand.

Thus, she decided to try her luck and see how far it would go.

"Make me do so, Hayato." She hugged him from behind, snuggling to his broad back comfortably. He froze for a moment, not believing what he had just heard.

Could she be serious? Did she finally decide to completely trust him again?

If it were not for her arms circling him firmly, he would not believe she was there, right behind him.

He finally understood that [Name] yearned for him since from the beginning. Maybe she was too afraid to admit it until now, being the stubborn troublesome woman she was. However, it was not important anymore. He finally got his chance.

He would never let it go to waste.

_**"… if you choose not to believe it."**_


End file.
